The Chinese Funny Money Conspiracy

The Chinese Funny Money ConspiracyThe Chinese Funny Money Conspiracy

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Copyright Arthur Levine 2007
Words 865
Keywords: The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism, Funny Money, Prophet, Guru, Conspiracy, China, Trade Deficit

Speech Given at Madison Square Garden by Johnny Oops the month after his appearance on Big Mouth Maxies TV Talk show, which catapulted Johnny to national acclaim as a guru and conceivable prophet.

My friends and fellow followers of The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism, there is a world conspiracy going on between China and the u. s. that has the capacity to ruin all our lives. We can't allow this illegal and potentially disastrous state of affairs to continue. We have to do a thing about it, and with your assist I believe I have the solution. Remember, God helps those who believe in The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism.

The Chinese have been making fortunes at our expense selling us goods that they produce cheaply. This has created a large trade deficit. We finance this deficit with the sale of U.S. Treasury bonds purchased by China. To make this game of musical chairs work, our respective governments have convinced the Chinese other folks to save their money and U.S. citizens to spend wildly on every conceivable number of imported product at highly inflated prices, although at the same time building up their non-public debts. This has resulted in overvaluing the Chinese currency and devaluing our American dollars. Pretty soon if we dont stop this madness our dollar will be worth almost nothing. Some experts say it already is worthless. Oh the shame of it. How can we let these forces of evil destroy our awesome country like this for their own non-public gain?

At least with The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism the greed factor works to our benefit, not numerous bunch of foreigners who our leaders are selling out to. I say if anyone around here is going to sell out to anyone we better be the ones who gain from it.

I may most likely not be an specialist at economics, but I still know that when you are spending extra than two dollars for every dollar you soak up that you may eventually be in trouble.

Well here we are now with a trade deficit of extra than 233 billion dollars a year with the Chinese alone, and with no apparent end in sight or approach to get even.

If this helps to keep up we shall not be capable to finance our national debt, and our kids and grandchildren will be left to select through Chinese garbage and ruble to locate enough to eat. Our industries are already declining and we shall soon lose the capacity to produce anything. We dont even make our own sewer covers any extra. Take a look underneath. They are all stamped made in China. If we cant cover up our own poop what is to become of us?

I have the solution and here it is. We need to all band together and start saving money and investing it only in made in America products. Ladies do you will like an Ox or a Tiger in your tank? Men, who is to blame here, do you will like to be playing English style soccer in brief pants, or American football? Stop buying Chinese and Japanese cars? The Japanese have a hand in this too, but they are subtler about participating in this conspiracy then the Chinese.

My friends and members of my flock, we must take action, we are not going to be positioned down any extra. We are not going to mortgage our future to the Chinese, or the Japanese, or anyone else for that matter. I ask you all to achieve out and touch the person next to you in their most important parts as we all come together as one person with the one objective in mind to stop this conspiracy and save our Country.

With that last statement an incredible rustling and grabbing of body parts took place within the stands. It was once like a mass mini groping, and all other folks it appears that evidently enjoyed it properly. Johnny had positioned the audience within the perfect way of considering for his final pitch. They were impassioned with the glory of The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism.

We must take action and Buy Back Our America should be our motto. Listen to me for I have the word. I am the messenger Johnny screamed.

Make no mistake about it; organizing an effort of this type takes money. I urge each of you to achieve deep into your hearts and your pockets, and donate twice as much as you think you can afford to The Dialectic Rationalization of Materialism so we can fight this evil financial conspiracy. Believe me the money you give will be well spent compared to giving it to the Chinese to buy poisonous plastic toys for our kids or dog food. My God they are even trying to poison our animals. We cant let them get away with this. Think of the welfare of your kids and your pets. Give now, volunteer ushers will be passing Save the Nation Baskets from row to row. Help us Save the Nation. Are you with me? Are you equipped to Buy Back America from the Chinese?

With that question the whole arena rose up in wild cheers of applause. Rumor has it that millions of dollars, numerous estimates ran as high as one hundred million, were donated that night a fair amount of which was once in cash. Johnny watched the scene with delight convinced it was once a miracle, but agents of the IRS were watching too on instructions of the Attorney General who was once getting his instructions from you know who, and I dont mean God. Johnny may most likely have gotten too important for his own strong. He was once going to have to learn to play by the guidelines. The question is whose rules?
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